For Time and All Eternity

A family psychologist, John Gottman says that a good, strong marriage needs to be founded on friendship. For a friend, you would go out of your way to help them, you have fun together, you laugh with them. When you get married, you need to be marrying your best friend who you can do all of these things with. 

My husband and I met through my roommate four years ago this week. We became friends first and just hung out and did things together as friends. He was my best friend before we even thought about dating. He still is my best friend today. There have been points in our short marriage where we have had struggles, every marriage has them, but we tend to get over them fairly quickly because of our the times we work on things together. 

Something I learned about marriage very quickly is that it's not a 50/50 give and take or an I scratch your back you scratch mine kind of relationship. Marriage is giving and taking constantly without keeping track of I did this so you do that. A year and a half ago, I felt so frustrated, I was giving my all for my family and felt like I got very little back. My husband was in school and I was working and trying to take classes and pregnant and I had to pack and clean our whole apartment by myself because my husband was swamped with school. It was really hard and I felt hurt in the moment. I quickly realized that there will be times that I give more, but there are times that he gives more to me. 

There is a song by Ingrid Michaelson that I love when thinking about a strong marriage:

If you were falling, then I would catch you
You need a light, I'd find a match
'Cause I love the way you say good morning
And you take me the way I am

If you are chilly, here take my sweater
Your head is aching, I'll make it better
'Cause I love the way you call me baby
And you take me the way I am

I'd buy you Rogaine
When you start losing all your hair
Sew on patches to all you tear

'Cause I love you more than
I could ever promise
And you take me the way I am
You take me the way I am
You take me the way I am

 

I am so grateful for my husband and the sacrifices he has made for me. I am grateful for his love and support in the crazy that I am. I pray that everyone can find the joy that I have. 

Marriage, what brings us here together today

To start off, I wanted to share this quote from Elder Bednar:

"The natures of male and female spirits complete and perfect each other, and therefore men and women are intended to progress together toward exaltation."

As a child, all I ever wanted was to get married. I thought it was the coolest things and I just knew that it was what I wanted. As I got older, I had decided that maybe I would rather do my own thing than always have to report to someone else and take care of someone else. I realized this was a selfish view of mine, and gratefully I over came that and have now been happily married for over 3 years, but all I really wanted was to be happy and I thought I could find that on my own. 

That view I had briefly in my life is something that I see constantly in people my age and even 10 years older than me. I see the appeal, having money, doing what you want, and dating can be fun. I will tell you, it is so much more fun to do all of this with somebody who you love and are totally committed to! The world is twisting marriage into something that ties you down and makes it so you can't do what you want. Happiness doesn't come from money or going out with friends every night. 

Elder Bednar also said, "The ultimate blessings of love and happiness are obtained through the covenant relationship of eternal marriage."

Marriage is where you find your perfect, eternal happiness. It is because you are in love, but it is more than that. 

In this past general conference, President Eyring said, "You have observed in your own life and in the lives of others the miracle of happiness coming from growing holiness, becoming more like the Savior." 

We find joy in marriage because it brings us one step closer to God and our Savior. We have been asked to get married in the temple and make those covenants with God and if we keep those covenants, we will find joy. 

I am so grateful for my husband and all that he does for me. He truly is my best friend. I always thought it was funny when couples say that they are more in love with their spouse now than they were when they first got married, but I have found that to be true. Through serving together, striving to better together I feel a love I never know possible and I am so grateful it can be eternal. We progress together and complete each other, just like Elder Bednar said. 

(Picture I need to find)

An odd opinion on gay marriage

Gay marriage has been a hot topic in our home over the past few years, as it probably has for many. I have very different views on it than many members of my family. I have done research, talked to people, done more research and I feel my view is valid. This last week, my view has changed though. 

I believe in marriage, gay straight whatever it is, I see good in marriage. I see families with abusive parents, who are members of the church, then I turn around and see a same-sex couple raising the cutest family with nothing but love. I want a child to be raise in a loving home, with parents who are committed to each other and who love that child. I would rather a child be raised by a gay couple then be sent into foster care or left on the streets. I want people to be happy and be able to love, I think love is good. This is how I felt just a few days ago. I still feel similar, but have added to this view.

This has been an inner struggle of mine for quite a long time. I know that marriage is sacred and is only between a man and a women, but I also believe in freedom and love and I just want people to be happy. I talked to my sister recently about my struggle with everything and my views. She told me something that I believe to be true and it has helped me come to terms with that I am feeling. 

So, now my new opinion. I still believe in marriage. I still believe in love. I want people to be happy and I want children to be raised in a loving home. The reason that same-sex marriage can not happen is eternal. Those families can never be sealed. They can never ever be an eternal family, which to me is more devastating than anything. A cohabitation family can repent and change and be sealed in the temple. A same-sex couple can never have that, which means their children can never have that. 

I want everyone to have the opportunity to be as happy as I am in my marriage. I want people to be able to find love, raise families and get everything that I have. But, I also want families to be sealed and children to have that opportunity. So in that regard, marriage can, and always will be, only between a man and a women.